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The reason I have the passion to do what I do, is because I  have made the journey from feeling numb, disconnected and having a constant void inside to now leading a life where I feel vibrant and 100% alive every day myself.

 

And I can promise you, if I could do that journey so can you! But it is a choice we have to make.  I grew up under extremely difficult circumstances and was left to fend for myself from a very early age. My coping mechanisms were many. One of them was shutting down my feelings. First so that no one else should be able to witness the pain they caused me, then to protect myself from feeling my own pain. I decided to be stoic and unstoppable. I suppressed all my pain and decided to show the world my worth by being very good at whatever I was doing. Nothing should be able to hold me back. I decided to be very good at school, go abroad, study various languages and succeed in university degrees from different countries so that no one should talk down to me ever again. And that all worked out very well. Society rewards this kind of success. People would turn in amazement. How was it possible that a girl from so much misery could succeed to such a degree in all her worldly pursuits? But success  is a dangerous trap, where we can go on and on feeding our ego, fulfilling all the expectations society has on us and most often the even harder expectations we put on ourselves to be able to feel worthy.  So for many years I bathed in the joy of external validation and approval. And most likely that was the journey I needed to make. But none of that could actually fill the huge void I felt inside. It did not connect any deeper to myself, who I really was, or to the world around me. If anything this constant chasing of external validation build a wall of what seemed like a protection around me, that today I can see was huge wall of separation. Can you recognize this in yourself? Maybe you are also hyperindependant and functional on the outside? 

 This shield of protection around you, that once kept you emotional safe, is now most likely the very thing that holds you back and separates you from your own inner world and the world around you. Now, before we continue and go on and talk about how you can lay down your armour of protection and become free, I want you to know one thing: This shield, what we in healing circles call your armour, is most likely the very reason you are here among us today, so please please, never ever believe there is something wrong or inferior with you for having this wall or armour around you. It was your bodies natural instinct to do what it is made to do, to protect you. Be grateful for that amazingly spontaneous intelligence of your body. 

Most likely, since you are now reading this, your time has come to slowly, in a trusted environment start to shed off this armour and break free to be able to let the light in and start living your life fully as it was always meant to be. A life of joy and pleasure where you can feel 100 % alive. A life that is yours, led from your heart, where you can fullfill your dreams instead of being halted by past fears and anxieties. 

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How did I go from numb and disconnected to feel fully alive and vibrant?

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There is no quick fix. I tried soo many things and stumbled so many times. And I firmly believe all this journeys we make, that might seem to led us to the wrong place at the time, might have been just the steps we needed to be where we are today. 

I spent years living alone in the nature and focusing on connecting with nature and animals as a way of calming my nervous system and coming back to my own instinctive nature. Creating beauty around me with natural materials has always been a way of making my nervous system feel calm and safe. Nature and beauty, creating a family and a beautiful home were tools I unconsciously used to calm my nervous system. These were excellent tools to soothe me in the moment, but they still did not manage to make the unconscious conscious, and I was still stuck in a feeling of loneliness and that something was missing. And I was constantly neglecting the sensual part of myself. The feminine, vulnerable, sensual part of myself was kept suppressed deep inside myself, so that only the well polished functional mask could be seen. The problem was that I did not even see this part myself any longer. I had become a stranger in my own body. 

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 WHAT CHANGED? Making the unconscious conscious through Jungian analysis and coaching 

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It is not enough to calm your nervous system with nature and beauty if you want to see real change and truly connect with yourself and feel 100% alive. You will also need to do the inner work and become conscious of what is actually going on in your subconsciousness. As Carl Jung said:

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"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."

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To gain a deeper understanding of what was really holding me back and directing my life I did years of Jungian analysis and coaching, which focuses on making our subconscious world conscious to us. This helped me become much more aware of my inner world and what it was I was actually dreaming about. And in most of my dreams it was sexuality that came up in different aspects. How could this be? Why would I constantly dream about sexuality in different forms when I actually had so many traumas to deal with and political aspirations to change the world through my human rights work. And here I come and dream and talk about such a simple thing as sexuality with my therapist again and again.

But here comes the interesting and the most important part. Sexual material in dreams often appears when something very fundamental in the psyche is missing or is blocked.

Trauma alienates us from our bodies.  Sexuality is your libido, your life force your vital energy, your cest of life.  Libido is not "just' your sexual drive, it is your vitality, creativity, eros, aliveness, connection, instinct, embodiment. This is all what makes you feel 100% alive. So sexuality in your subconsciousness is often an indicator that your life energy is blocked, your instinctual life has been suppressed, shamed, split off or made unsafe. Your psyche is trying to reconnect you with your aliveness. So what might look primordial is often about life force itself, not "just' sexual acts.

When someone has lived very much from the head, sex becomes the language the unconscious uses to say: "come back into the body, come back into life."

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Consciousness alone will not change your life. You will need to rewire your nervous system through your body

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And this is where the work of yoga and Tantra are so powerful. Becoming conscious is very important and good, but consciousness alone will mot likely not change your life. It is the actions that will change your life. How you come back into your own body and start to embody all your emotions and feel them as part of you again. This is where you truly wake up and start to come alive. Your body is the gateway into your subconsious mind. Through breath, movement and sound Tantra creates new embodies experiences that replace old survival patterns. Instead of only telling your body "I'm safe" in Tantra we allow the body to feel safety directly. Embodied work allows us to open up to all our emotions without judgement and I spent many years slowly and gently coming back to myself again.

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I have gone from being an academic to a warrior of the heart

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And please don't get me wrong here. I have a deep respect for academic work and base all my work on academic research as well as empirical evidence. I just felt stuck in my old patterns and didn't feel free before I started working seriously on reprogramming what was holding me back personally. I firmly believe that if we all start the journey of discovering ourselves and who we truly are and start to heal our wounds the world will be a much more peaceful place with communities supporting each other instead of fighting. That is what makes me continue year after year supporting people all over the world finding themselves agin and learn to love their true authentic self. I spent many years training and studying with as many different teachers as I could find. I have trained in classical yoga, Body Love Yoga, Ayurvedic yoga, Synergy yoga. I certified as a coach in and later specialised in somatic coaching  and couple coaching. Tantra is the path the underlines everything I do. I have trained with what I would consider there very best Tantra teachers and gained so many different qualifications on the way, but still my very best teacher has always been life itself. Life has always mysteriously placed me exactly where I have needed to be to take the next step neccesarry in my development. 

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I am here ready to accompany you on your way, holding your hand and gently leading you back home to yourself. 

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